Letting Go of Anger, Bitterness, & Resentment

Letting Go of Anger, Bitterness, & Resentment
by
February 21, 2025

A few years ago, I had an insightful conversation with a well-known therapist in Nashville who has been in private practice for decades and has helped many families through infidelity, mistrust, suicide, alcoholism, addiction, and the unwanted challenge of managing children who decide not to grow up. This counselor has certainly seen it all over the years. We were discussing the older brother in the Parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15) and how he became filled with jealousy and anger, bitterness and resentment when his younger brother returned home and his father threw a massive party. He said something I will not forget: “I am convinced after years of counseling, that anger, bitterness, and resentment can lead to an early death.” Why? These emotions are unhealthy, and if we live with them long enough, they can literally kill us.

Unfortunately, many people live life this way, unable to let go of pain from their past. Many have been hurt, betrayed, lied to, disappointed, disrespected, ignored, overlooked, or left behind. In this noisy world of constant interruptions, breaking news, crazy politics, and rising fear, tending to our souls is absolutely essential. Jesus knew this which is why he always asked important questions: What does it profit you to gain the whole world but forfeit your soul? What can you give in return for your soul? Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye but fail to recognize the log in your own eye? Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? Why are you afraid, you of little faith?

Christians proclaim Jesus as lord and savior. From what is he saving us? That’s worth pondering and has many answers. Vanderbilt scholar Amy Jill Levine says, “From what do we seek salvation? From sin, yes. But also from pain, from despair, from loneliness, from poverty, from oppression. We are all in need of some sort of salvation.” But sometimes we simply don’t recognize it. Perhaps we can’t recognize it. We think we’ve got everything and everybody under control, and then something happens that rocks our world and brings us to our knees. We get humbled in a way we never saw coming. Cancer. Divorce. Depression. Grief. Infidelity. The loss of a child or spouse. Suddenly life is no longer fair. It hurts too much. At that point, we need to be saved from our anger, bitterness, resentment, and disappointment. These emotions will quickly take the joy and meaning out of living. According to my friend, they can take years off your life. Resentment was once defined as “drinking poison and waiting for somebody else to die.”

As human beings, we often have a hard time letting go of the past, and perhaps for good reason. Yet life is about the present and the future, not being held captive by what has already happened. Just as winter will soon give way to the beauty of spring, so our hearts must learn to let go of the anger and bitterness from the past. Only then can we replace those negative emotions with faith, hope, love, and new beginnings. This is what will lead to joy, peace, and fulfillment, something we all desire and seek. The choice is always ours to make.

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