America’s Spiritual Challenge: Contempt
As we prepare to celebrate the 250th birthday of our nation this weekend, we should be filled with gratitude for the great country in which we live. Despite our challenges, we have a lot to celebrate in this country. The founders had a dream for building a nation where we would all have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. These are our “inalienable rights,” and we should never take them for granted. However, we do have a significant spiritual challenge facing American society at this moment in history, and it’s called “contempt.” We see far too much contempt in our politics and public discourse. Arthur Brooks puts it this way in his book Love Your Enemies: “Believing your foe is motivated by hate leads to something far worse; contempt. While anger seeks to bring someone back into the fold, contempt seeks to exile. It attempts to mock, shame, and permanently exclude from relationships by belittling, humiliating, and ignoring. While anger says, ‘I care about this,’ contempt says, ‘You disgust me and are beneath caring about.” Contempt quickly becomes toxic in relationships, marriages, businesses, families, and communities.
How did we get here? Civility and decency did not disappear overnight. One answer is that, as a society, we have been slowly losing our moral and spiritual center. Self-centeredness abounds, fed by technology and algorithms that divide. We have lost perspective on our common humanity. We have elected leaders (in both parties) who fan the flames of anger and contempt, which causes us to think it is acceptable to behave the same way. Political and ideological divides are nothing new. What’s new is the way we disagree and our inability to rationally discuss competing ideas in a civil manner without shutting down or feeling threatened.
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks articulated this growing challenge well before his death: “Something new is happening: the sense that the other side is less than fully human, that its supporters are not part of the same moral community as us, that somehow their sensibilities are alien and threatening, as if they were not the opposition in a political arena, but the enemy full stop.” Sacks talks about multiple factors that have played a role: deepening western individualism, expansion of the internet, toxic social media, and the expanding gap between the “haves and the have nots.” All of these factors are very real and need to be addressed.
Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt made the following claim about Generation Z and social media: “When you look at Americans born after 1995, what you find is extraordinarily high rates of anxiety, depression, self-harm, suicide, and fragility.” This is the generation that has grown up on screens and social media. Haidt calls this phenomenon “compare and despair.” It is a big part of what leads to contempt, envy, and social exclusion. Poor behavior online is often rewarded. This also fuels anger, outrage, and groupthink.
What’s the solution? We must acknowledge that we are all complicit and we have all played some role in getting to this point. Several important concepts need to be raised on this significant anniversary. First, our ongoing need for strong communities. We thrive in community. We need to be around each other more in real time and space, and not just on a screen. Social media is not real life. It is a well-curated script to make others envious. Secondly, authentic friendship: we must be intentional about becoming friends with people who see and experience the world differently. Every person’s life experience is unique, and we cannot dictate to others how they should see and experience the world. We all have our own lens, background, and story. The worldview we have is a result of the journey we have been on. Third, morality. Part of living a moral life is listening to others and treating them with dignity and respect. Being religious is not a prerequisite to being moral. Morality cares about the collective well-being of all and not just what’s best for me. This has become challenging in a culture obsessed with self. Lastly, forgiveness. Cancel culture has lost sight of what it means to practice forgiveness. We are all flawed and imperfect creatures. We all say and do things that we regret. Our inability to forgive each other has become a major problem. Judging people by their worst moments or actions is simply unfair.
As we celebrate this milestone in our nation, we must learn to look for the good in each other, even when we disagree. Lowering the levels of anger and contempt in our culture could be a great way to start.
Happy Fourth of July!
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